From the time we’re little girls, we’re told to be “good” to smile, to be agreeable, and to put others first. We’re praised for being polite and accommodating, for making sure everyone around us is comfortable, even if it means sacrificing our own needs. But as we grow up, we start to realize that these so-called virtues can hold us back. They can make it hard to set boundaries, to go after what we truly want, and to feel worthy in spaces where we absolutely belong. This ingrained societal conditioning is what many call the "Good Girl Myth," and it’s time we unlearn it.
The Good Girl Myth shows up in many ways. There’s the Myth of Niceness, where we’re taught to avoid conflict at all costs. The Myth of Perfection, which pressures us to juggle careers, relationships, and personal growth flawlessly. The Myth of Self-Sacrifice, which tells us that being a good woman means putting others ahead of ourselves, even when we’re running on empty. And then there’s the Myth of Following the Rules, the idea that success comes from being obedient instead of speaking up and challenging norms.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us have struggled with the effects of this conditioning, feeling guilty for saying no, hesitating to take risks, and undervaluing our contributions at work and in relationships. We work twice as hard to prove ourselves, overextending ourselves to be seen as “good enough,” yet we still feel like we’re falling short. The truth is, that these myths are designed to keep women playing small. But we don’t have to keep playing by those rules.
So, how do we break free? It starts with questioning the narratives we’ve been handed. The next time you catch yourself hesitating to speak up or feeling bad for prioritizing yourself, ask: Who benefits from me believing this? If the answer isn’t you, then it’s time to rewrite the story.
We also have to redefine success on our own terms. Success isn’t about being perfect or pleasing everyone, it's about doing what brings us fulfillment and joy. Embracing assertiveness is another key step. Speak up in meetings, ask for that raise, and take up space without apologizing for it. And perhaps most importantly, practice saying no without guilt. No, you don’t have to take on extra emotional labor at work. No, you don’t have to be everything to everyone. “No” is a complete sentence.
Finding a supportive community is essential, too. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you to own your power. Seek out mentors who remind you that ambition isn’t a dirty word. And finally, let go of the pressure to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion, and striving for it only keeps us trapped. Growth happens in the messy, imperfect moments so embrace them.
One of the biggest challenges in unlearning the Good Girl Myth is dealing with the fear of disappointing others. Many women feel immense guilt when they start asserting their needs as if they are doing something wrong. But the truth is, prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish, it's necessary. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking care of your own well-being allows you to show up more fully in all areas of your life. Recognizing this truth is a key part of breaking free.
It’s also important to recognize how these myths show up in different aspects of life, from career to personal relationships. In the workplace, women often hesitate to negotiate salaries or step into leadership roles due to fear of being perceived as demanding. In relationships, they may take on more emotional labor than their partners, feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness. The first step to change is awareness. Once we recognize these patterns, we can start to dismantle them.
Unlearning the Good Girl Myth isn’t about becoming “bad.” It’s about becoming free, free to take up space, to assert your needs, and to live life on your own terms. You don’t need permission to be bold, to be ambitious, to put yourself first. You already have everything you need inside of you.
Breaking free from these myths is a journey, not an overnight transformation. It requires self-reflection, courage, and the willingness to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs. But the more we step into our power, the more we inspire others to do the same. Together, we can create a world where women are valued for who they truly are, not for how well they fit into outdated molds.
Have you struggled with breaking free from the Good Girl Myth? What steps have helped you reclaim your power?